Irresistible at Work
By Lisa Lane
Years ago, a sports reporter accosted golf legend Jack
Nicklaus and told him that golf was primarily a game of luck, not
skill. Jack said, “Yeah, and the funny thing is, the more I
practice, the luckier I get.”
Work relationships are just like golf: the more skilled we
are, the more successful we are. Imagine if you could make yourself
completely irresistible to coworkers, clients and your boss. This is
entirely possible, if you take Nicklaus’ advice and practice your
skills – especially the secret skill of magnetic attraction that
governs all relationships.
Remember Pavlov’s dogs? The dog is trained to associate a
bell with food, so whenever a bell rings, he salivates and comes
running. Well, unknown to you, the people in your life are trained
to have involuntary reactions to certain magnetic attraction
principles. All you need to do is communicate according to these
principles, and people will respond by offering you respect, support
This is exciting; it means you never have to secretly fear
rejection at work. By learning these principles, you can be
successful with anyone, including people who may have ignored or
disrespected you in the past. People don’t gravitate toward you
because of your qualities, personality or character. They gravitate
toward you based on how they feel in your presence. This is
why you can be madly in love with a person one day and divorce the
very same person five years later.
The reason we don't know how to make ourselves irresistible
at work is because it’s the opposite of what we've been taught. Most
of us believe when we are not getting the respect we deserve, we
should be extra nice, thoughtful and giving. These are wonderful
qualities, but they are rarely the key to getting respect or
appreciation from someone who is withholding it from you.
A simple metaphor explains the secret magnetic attraction
principle to making yourself irresistible. It’s called The Circle.
Take out a piece of paper and draw a circle in it. Then, put the
initials of the person you’re seeking respect from in the middle of
the circle. Now, put your own initials outside the circle. This
model shows you what a successful relationship looks like.
When you are inside another person’s circle, he has trouble
connecting with his respect and appreciation for you. In the
extreme, he may even develop contempt for you. When you are outside
his circle, he appreciates you. He is attentive and supportive. He
goes out of his way to listen to your viewpoint. This is why staying
outside the circle is the key magnetic attraction principle to
making yourself irresistible.
How You Get Inside
all get inside someone else’s circle from time to time – it’s
natural. You do this when you use your connection with him or her to
gain energy or self-esteem. When you lean on a person
psychologically like this, you violate a basic rule of attraction
between people: Any person pursued runs away. Sometimes, we
lean in obvious ways at work. Can you spot yourself in these
too often, not noticing the other person is busy.
You talk too
much, especially about yourself.
You ask for
unnecessary assurance about your skills or performance.
You ask the
other person to weigh in on tiny decisions you should be making;
this unconsciously transfers the stress of your job to the other
You act overly
bossy or controlling, micro managing others and checking up on
them constantly. This behavior causes the person to
under-function and withdraw effort because you are
over-functioning on his or her behalf.
victimized or lay guilt trips: “Nobody understands the stress
and criticize others without noticing: “This Web site isn’t
dynamic enough; it will never catch on.”
Of course, we all lean psychologically from time to time.
But, if you want to make yourself irresistible, you must get outside
the circle. Here are three action steps you can take:
2. Stop Pressuring Him for Support.
When you want a
co-worker or boss to show more support in the form of listening or
help, this creates tension in the relationship. There is stress
because both people want different things. Both people think they
are right, and both want to be in control. Everyone is stubborn when
it comes to relationships. We all want our way. This is natural, but
simply self-defeating when you’re trying to get ‘more’ from a
person. If you ease off, and appreciate what he is giving,
he’ll be more likely to give more. At the very least, you’ll be able
to find out why he wasn’t being more supportive.
3. Stop Complaining and Criticizing.
The final step is to stop complaining or criticizing.
Why? Because when you complain or criticize, he stops seeing his
behavior as the problem and starts seeing your complaining
as the problem.
When you complain,
you’re actually trying to make a request – but you’re so pessimistic
that you attack the other person instead of simply asking for what
you want. For example, let’s say you want your boss to share
information – but instead of asking for it, you say, “I never get
updates on that project.” This aggressive form of communication
The beauty of the circle is that you can always jump outside
it and become irresistible again, just by following these three
Read other articles and learn more about
Lisa Lane Brown.
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