Life Outlook and
By Tim Connor, CSP
people are naturally optimistic and positive, while others are the
opposite. When two people in a relationship have opposing life
outlooks, it is often difficult for one to convince the other that his
way is better, right, or makes more sense then his partner’s. As a
result, the positive person will always see the glass as half full and
will take that attitude into most life circumstances. The more
negative partner will view the glass as half empty and let that
influence his attitudes accordingly.
of years of research just about confirms that optimistic people get
sick less and live longer than pessimistic people. Over fifty years
ago, Dr. Lionel Tiger wrote a book called Optimism,
The Biology of Hope. The book is now out of print,
but in it he states that the ability to laugh, smile, and see life
more optimistically, positively affects your health thus the quality
of your relationships. Since then, numerous physicians and
psychologists have confirmed that the mind has a dramatic influence
over the body and its physiology.
one of you is positive and the other negative, how did you get that
way? According to research, there are two things that influence
attitudes and life outcomes: your genes and your environment.
can agree on which is the most important. However, I personally
believe that you can overcome some of your genetic tendencies with new
knowledge and a willingness to change your behavior. It isn’t easy,
and it takes time, but negative people can become positive if they
really want to.
partner is at opposite ends of the attitude spectrum, their
relationship can still survive. I know people who have been married
for over fifty years, even though one person was extremely pessimistic
and the other was extremely optimistic.
It isn’t easy but if you can learn to not lose your own
identity as a result of your partner’s behavior there is always
is to remember that neither way is right or wrong. However, generally
speaking, positive people accomplish more in life than negative
people, and they are always happier.
times when one person is more negative and the other more positive,
they tend not to want to spend a great deal of time with their
partner. This doesn’t mean they don’t like or love them, they just
don’t want to be consistently bombarded with negative or positive
messages. When you are positive, It takes a lot of energy to be around
someone who is negative, and vice versa.
while back, I read that the average couple spends less than 30 minutes
a week in one-on-one personal dialogue. If this is anywhere near
accurate, it is a sad commentary on the quality of today’s
relationships. Keep in mind that this time refers strictly to intimate
dialogue. It does not include time spent having sex, having dinner
with the kids, shopping, or working in the yard. It includes only time
designated as talk time.
can’t build a positive, nurturing, loving and lasting relationship
on 26 hours of shared time a year. It is even hard to build a lasting
friendship in that amount of time.
are some of the common reasons why people don’t spend time in
intimate discussion and sharing with each other.
You have no time.
You are too busy.
One or both of you travel too much.
You don’t like him or her.
You are afraid to be vulnerable.
Your partner doesn’t care about your feelings, needs, interests, or
One or both of you don’t listen.
There is an ego battle going on.
There are too many kids.
One or both of you have too many friends.
One or both of you have too many outside interests.
Work is too demanding for one or both of you.
One or both of you are experiencing a great deal of stress.
You are physically tired a lot.
You really don’t want to spend time together.
any of your reasons listed above? If so, why not take some time to
evaluate them in more detail. If you can’t do it with your
significant other, then at least do it alone and come up with your own
reasons or causes.
relationships have mutual understanding, feelings, unconditional
acceptance, and a genuine desire for the other person to become all he
or she can be. Unsuccessful relationships suffer any number of
psychological games, manipulation, ego control, emotional immaturity,
are couples who spend very little time together and have wonderful
relationships. For them, it isn’t the amount of time they have, but
what they put into the time. These relationships are also uncommon.
Time is a factor for most of us. We need time to understand, learn,
grow, accept, and love. These emotions don’t come easily or
instantly. So, regardless of your life outlook, you must be willing to
spend regular, quality time with your partner each day or week.
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